Broccatli: Just a Broccoli + Cat

Long ago, in a world that should’ve made better life choices, Broccatli was created in a secret lab run by rogue vegan scientists. Their goal? To engineer the perfect balance between nutrition and feline destruction. But they didn’t just succeed… they messed up big time.

Broccatli is not your average cat. Oh no. He’s an unholy fusion of housecat and broccoli, cursed with the power of photosynthesis and the attitude of a street punk who just got kicked out of a 7-Eleven. He doesn’t meow—he screeches like a dying fax machine. He doesn’t purr—he vibrates at a frequency that causes Wi-Fi interference. And worst of all? He smells like steamed vegetables left in a gym locker for three days.

Abilities:

🥦 Leafy Rage – When angered (which is always), his tail turns into a flailing broccoli stalk capable of slapping sense into fools.

🐱 Lactose Intolerance Laser Beams – His hatred for dairy is so strong that he fires pure intolerance from his eyes, evaporating cheese within a 10-foot radius.

🌿 Photosynthesis Power Nap – He sleeps for 18 hours a day and somehow still absorbs enough sunlight to function better than you do on three coffees.

Weaknesses:

• Meat Lovers Pizza – Causes immediate, dramatic vomiting.

• Lawnmowers – Triggers his primal fear of being trimmed.

• Basic Humans – If you say, “Aww, cute kitty!” prepare for a full-force aerial attack to the face.

Broccatli is not your pet. Broccatli is not your friend. He hates you, your diet, and your entire existence. If you ever see him on the streets, run. But not too fast. He enjoys a good chase before he ruins your life.

And remember:

🥦 You didn’t adopt Broccatli. He tolerates your presence. 🥦